i guess it's for reason like that i am dating the most wonderful human being on the face of the planet
his name is phillup.
and we go out to old barns for chicken and biscuits, sing to each other in the car, make love on his Indian rug, and laugh at each others light-headed comments.
then he says things like this, "but she'll judge you."
the "she" in this senerio is Emerald, the very intellectual mouse that wants his trousers.
and when Phillup said "judge"
All i could think of is...she doesn't no me.
All i could think of is...she doesn't no me.
she doesn't know when i'm laughing at my nieces, or baking a cake for my father, or forgetting about rent, getting drunk in my closet, or crying over gooey-gum-cake
she just see's my appearence
i'm wearing a burgnady sweater, gray cordoroys, my hairs in a frazzled bun, my lips are small and slanted, my eyes are gray and weary...and i'm not the prettiest charm in his locket.
i don't have long slender shoulders or rose colored cheeks...
and if you ever met Phillup, he attracts girls like Meghan Fox and Emma Watson.
So for him, I feel like I should stop obsessing over food.
I should get on this lenten diet
and become the meghan or emma...
but at the same time
I just want to be happy.
i went a week from my last post, eating oatmeal everyday.
honestly...because I didn't have money for food.
but secondly, because i knew i'd come see phillup.
and i'd meet girls like Emerald.
And I'd want to be better then my body.
Hey, I have a boyfriend very similar. We're getting in shape together, well he's just getting back in shape he's always in shape. And yeah he's super fit and I'm attractive, but he's told me that he thinks I'm pretty and really good looking but I could be one of the fittest girls ever in a room and just a stunner if I just got into shape. The thing that he said to me which really made me realize that I was just holding on to my fat out of some spite against bimbo type/mainstream girls was 'why not?' if I could be the most attractive/stylish/smartest girl in the room than why not? I would say the same to you. I mean he's obviously with you for a reason, probably because he thinks you're an awesome person so as annoying as it can be when someone tells you stuff like that the thing to keep in mind is that its much better for someone to love you for your brain and your personality than your body. I mean what are you more attached to? He's asking you to get in better shape I'm guessing, but he's not telling you to change your sense of humour or your personality, or act dumb or anything, just get in better shape so he can be more sexually attracted to you. In fact its a way wasy thing to change and I am guessing its something you've always wanted to change too? Just eat healthy and let him know you're trying, but make sure its for you too. And if all you want is to be happy, wouldn't you feel happier if you were thinner and could just throw on whatever you want and look good? I go through this same thing with my boyfriend and part of me always gets a little pissed but I think its just left over teen angst from not wanting to be a bimbo popular chick because I was always known as the girl who doesn't give a fuck what other people thought about me. But I realized that by being more physically attractive I can actually get away with saying more of whatever I want and wearing whatever I want and really not caring what people think instead of having an itching feeling of self consciousness in the back of my mind.
ReplyDelete